4. Okay… Rejected! Now what?

The Point?

I feel like there will inevitably be some people who will simply fail to see the point of Rejection Therapy, or write it off as some hokey, hippie thing to do.

“I know McDonald’s won’t give me a cheeseburger refill! What’s the point of hearing ‘no’?” you might say.

The point is, my skeptical reader, to get rejected in and of itself! We are always so obsessed with succeeding and finding the quickest path to success that we often forget that setbacks are a part of that path! That’s why when we talk about success, we do it in terms of “the path to” rather than “the end goal of”; the importance of the journey is built right into the semantics of our language!

Credit: http://thedoghousediaries.com/

The Odd Non-Rejection

Back in my second blog post, TEDTalk speaker Jian Jiang talked about his experience at Krispy Kreme and ordering Olympic coloured donuts. The wonderful thing that happened was they not only got him his order, but they placed the donuts in the Olympic logo arrangement in the box! When a complete stranger helps you out, as in this case, it can be a very moving experience; it also inspires us to take more risks and try things we otherwise would never do.

It’s All About Mindset

Taking risks is scary; every time we make ourselves vulnerable, we are risking rejection. But when we do face rejection or a setback, we are faced with a Robert Frost-like fork in the road: if at first you don’t succeed do you:

a) give up?

b) learn, improve, and try again?

In her book, Mindset, professor Carol Dweck, PhD, talks about how when faced with setbacks, people generally fall under one of two categories: either a  fixed mindset or a growth mindset.

The difference is pretty obvious:

A person of a fixed mindset generally believes that a trait or an ability is fixed or innate. “I can’t do math! It’s just not my subject,” or “I can’t play basketball. I’m no NBA player.” They believe that people who have had great success in a particular field, be it sports, academics, or love, are just inherently good in those areas of life.

Growth mindset people are the total opposite. They see something that they are not good at as a challenge to overcome. “I did horribly on that math test! Wow… I need to get extra help, and find better study strategies!” Or, “I didn’t make the team! I will workout, and practice, and retry next year!”

The difference between these two viewpoints is like night and day. One emphasizes inner lack of talent, while the other focuses on an inner building ones competence.

Okay… But what does this have to do with Rejection Therapy and donuts?

What does all this talk of mindsets have to do with rejection, then? Everything! What Rejection Therapy allows us to do is get used to the idea of failure. It should become a daily and rather bland problem in our lives. Once we can accept the idea that rejection is a normal part of life, we won’t have to fear it all that much.

I started this blog as sort of a stepping stone toward becoming a writer. I had written short stories and poems in high school and university; however, I am my own worst critic and did not think I was good enough to write. So I stopped trying. However, thanks to Rejection Therapy and the adoption of the Growth mindset, I am prepared to accept criticism and build myself on my path to success. Once we stop fearing rejection we can start pursuing our passions.

3. Rejection Therapy

I hope you enjoyed the Sunday entry on Rejection. The TEDTalk speaker, Jia Jiang, did an eloquent job at showing the effectiveness of rejection therapy and its inspirational side-effects (putting yourself out there and breaking the chain of self-defeating regret!) You can read more about Rejection Therapy at Jason Comely’s website.

I have been practicing Rejection Therapy on my own through my own small ways. As Jia Jiang points out, you don’t have to be rejected by something huge; it can be as small as asking for a strange donut order at a restaurant.

I have done minor rejection therapy sessions for myself. These have been mostly on the small scale (save for a couple of more ambitious tasks).

I asked the security guard at my best friend’s condo if I could have some of his food; he raised an eyebrow and said in a deadpan tone “Are you serious?” It was a “no” but we all did get a chuckle out of it. One of the benefits of rejection therapy, particularly if you request ridiculous things, are moments of laughter, which funny enough lead to the OPPOSITE of the anxiety which is typically associated with rejection. Never forget that sometimes those supposedly awkward and anxiety inducing moments can lead to bonding moments and bring us joy. This was a positive outcome from this tiny interaction.

I also tried shooting for the moon a couple of times and got rejected for my writing. I had written a science poem and a political short story; I sent the science poem to a famous science magazine and the short story to a Canadian author and political figure.

I had asked the science magazine if they were interested in publishing the poem: no reply. I am sitting here, reflecting on this experience; I kind of knew that the request was completely ridiculous, but I would have regretted not sending it to them.

The author said he would look at my short story but he has yet to get back to me. I don’t think that he will get back to me, but I have gotten constructive feedback from friends on how to improve the story and where to add details.

I realized, in both instances, that I was not disheartened, but rather thankful that I did take the steps to get my writing out there. It may not have gotten anywhere yet, but even the great Dr Seuss was rejected time and time again before his manuscripts got published.

Rejection therapy is a humbling experience but also one that allows you to live your life without regrets. It is something we should all practice and preach!

That about does it for me today, but before I go:

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank Tony Burkinshaw for liking my post on Rejection. Being new to this, I am grateful for any and all support. Check out his blog post on how to prioritize a to-do list, and how to have a much more relaxed Holiday season (I realize the Holiday season has just ended, but it is applicable for the entire year!)

Picture source: https://www.facebook.com/Gav.Nascimento

2. Surprising Lessons From 100 Days of Rejection: Jia Jiang at TEDxAustin

Ever feel horrified at the thought of getting rejected? So much so that you will not even put in the effort to try it out in the first place? The first resource I would like to share with you is this fantastic video of Jia Jiang and his inspirational message: Get rejected! And see what happens!
Hint: You won’t die! The world will not implode in on itself! You learn, and move on! Simple enough? Watch the video and see what magic Rejection Therapy weaves!

1. Taking charge! For good!

I am here to take you through my personal journey on a weekly basis for personal growth. On this blog, you will find my challenges, defeats, and, hopefully, triumphs, which I hope will inspire you as well. I will additionally share resources (videos, pictures, articles) which are helping me attain a better version of me and hopefully can help you, too! This is not a one way street, by any means! I hope for you to contribute to my discussions and add to my resources.
Welcome!